​“A counsellor at the treatment centre where I got clean, herself a woman in recovery, surprised me when she said, ‘How clever of you to find drugs. Well done, you found a way to keep yourself alive.’ This made me feel quite tearful. I suppose because this woman, Jackie, didn’t judge me or tell me I was stupid or tubthumpingly declare that ‘drugs kill’. No, she told me that I had done well by finding something that made being me bearable… To be acknowledged as a person who was in pain and fighting to survive in my own muddled-up and misguided way made me feel optimistic and understood. It is an example of the compassion addicts need from one another in order to change.”
― Russell Brand,

Counseling for Addiction & Codependency in Greensboro, NC - Fostering Healthy Recovery Support for Addicts & Their Loved Ones

At Little Seed Counseling, we believe in doing the work of planting the little seeds today that will grow into something beautiful tomorrow, and we recognize that doesn’t mean things are easy right now. Instead, we plant the little seeds of hope for tomorrow, and take small steps toward that future. For individuals who struggle with substance use disorders and their families, that can be especially meaningful.

We offer counseling for addiction and codependency in our Greensboro, NC practice, taking a judgement-free approach to helping individuals and families navigate this extremely difficult situation. We know the complexities of substance use and the codependency it so often fosters in loved ones, and therapy can help you to start recognizing and changing the problematic thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that brought you to this point of change in your life. 

For Those in Recovery

​Are you in recovery from addiction, yet struggling to manage anxiety, depression, fear, trauma, grief or shame? We treat  members of the recovery community (12-step programs, Celebrate Recovery, Smart Recovery, etc.) who  are dealing with second-stage recovery problems. If the excitement of being newly clean and/or sober has begun to wear off and/or you are finding yourself wanting to work on core issues, we can help!

Our therapist, Jena Plummer, a Licensed Clinical Addictions Specialist Associate, has years of experience working at an inpatient drug and alcohol recovery center. She understands recovery culture and  the unique concerns of those who have struggled with drug and alcohol dependencies as well as process addictions, which include but are not limited to gambling, sex and love addiction, compulsive overeating, workaholism, shopping addiction, and gaming addiction.
If your therapist does not understand addiction and recovery, it can be really challenging and time consuming to have to teach them. Jena can save you that step!  

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“Once they have been affected---once "it" sets in---codependency takes on a life of its own. It is similar to catching pneumonia or picking up a destructive habit. Once you've got it, you've got it. If you want to get rid of it, YOU have to do something to make it go away. It doesn't matter whose fault it is. Your codependency becomes your problem; solving your problems is your responsibility.”
― Melody Beattie

Understanding Codependency

The term codependency has been around for decades. Although it originally applied to spouses of alcoholics (first called co-alcoholics and more recently referred to as "Second Hand Addiction), researchers revealed that the characteristics of codependents were much more prevalent in the general population than they had previously imagined. In fact, they found that, if you were raised in a dysfunctional family or had an ill parent, you could also be codependent.
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Symptoms of Codependency

Codependency is characterized by a person belonging to a dysfunctional, one-sided relationship where one person relies on the other for meeting nearly all of their emotional and self-esteem needs. It also describes a relationship that enables another person to maintain their irresponsible, addictive, or underachieving behaviors.
The following is a list of symptoms of codependency and being in a codependent relationship. You don’t need to have them all to “qualify” as codependent, but if you feel these symptoms describe your situation, therapy can help you heal and start feeling a little better.

• Low self-esteem – Feeling that you’re not good enough or comparing yourself to others are signs of low self-esteem. The tricky thing about self-esteem is that some people think highly of themselves, but it’s only a disguise — they actually feel unlovable or inadequate. Underneath, usually hidden from consciousness, are feelings of shame. Guilt and perfectionism often go along with  low self-esteem. If everything is perfect, you don’t have to feel bad about yourself, but is everything ever perfect?
• People-pleasing – It’s fine to want to please someone you care about, but codependents usually don’t think they have a choice. Saying “No” causes them anxiety. Some codependents have a hard time saying “No” to anyone. They go out of their way and sacrifice their own needs to accommodate other people.
• Poor boundaries – Boundaries are sort of an imaginary line between you and others. It divides up what’s yours and somebody else’s, and that applies not only to your body, money, and belongings, but also to your feelings, thoughts, and needs. That’s where codependents get into trouble. They have blurry or weak boundaries. They feel responsible for other people’s feelings and problems or blame their own on someone else. Some codependents have rigid boundaries. They are closed off and withdrawn, making it hard for other people to get close to them. Sometimes, people flip back and forth between having weak boundaries and having rigid ones.
• Reactivity – A consequence of poor boundaries is that you react to everyone’s thoughts and feelings. If someone says something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You absorb their words, because there’s no boundary. With a boundary, you’d realize it was just their opinion and not a reflection of you and not feel threatened by disagreements.
• Caretaking – Another effect of poor boundaries is that if someone else has a problem, you want to help them to the point that you give up yourself. It’s natural to feel empathy and sympathy for someone, but codependents start putting other people ahead of themselves. In fact, they need to help and might feel rejected if another person doesn’t want help. Moreover, they keep trying to help or “fix” the other person, even when that person clearly isn’t taking their advice or doesn’t want the help.
• Control – Control helps codependents feel safe and secure. Everyone needs some control over events in their life. You wouldn’t want to live in constant uncertainty and chaos, but for codependents, control limits their ability to take risks and share their feelings. Sometimes, they have an addiction that either helps them loosen up, like alcoholism, or helps them hold their feelings down, like workaholism, so they don’t feel out of control. Codependents also need to control those close to them, because they need other people to behave in a certain way to feel okay. In fact, people-pleasing and care-taking can be used to control and manipulate people. Alternatively, codependents are bossy and tell you what you should or shouldn’t do. This is a violation of someone else’s boundary.
• Dysfunctional communication – Codependents have trouble when it comes to communicating their thoughts, feelings, and needs. Of course, if you don’t know what you think, feel or need, this becomes a problem. Other times, you know, but you won’t own up to your truth. You’re afraid to be truthful because you don’t want to upset someone else. Instead of saying, “I don’t like that,” you might pretend that it’s okay or tell someone what to do. Communication becomes dishonest and confusing when you try to manipulate the other person out of fear.
• Obsessions – Codependents tend spend their time thinking about other people or relationships. This is caused by their dependency and anxieties and fears. They can also become obsessed when they think they’ve made or might make a “mistake.” Sometimes, you can lapse into fantasy about how you’d like things to be or about someone you love as a way to avoid the pain of the present. This is one way to stay in denial (discussed below), but it keeps you from living your life.
• Dependency – Codependents need other people to like them to feel okay about themselves. They’re afraid of being rejected or abandoned, even if they can function on their own. Others need always to be in a relationship because they feel depressed or lonely when they’re by themselves for too long. This trait makes it hard for them to end a relationship, even when the relationship is painful or abusive. They end up feeling trapped.
• Denial – One of the problems people face in getting help for codependency is that they’re in denial about it, meaning they don’t face their problem. Usually, they think the problem is someone else or the situation. They either keep complaining or trying to fix the other person, or they go from one relationship or job to another and never own up to the fact that they have a problem. Codependents also deny their feelings and needs. Often, they don’t know what they’re feeling, and instead, they focus on what others are feeling. The same thing goes for their needs. They pay attention to other people’s needs and not their own. They might be in denial of their need for space and autonomy. Although some codependents seem needy, others act like they’re self-sufficient when it comes to needing help. They won’t reach out and have trouble receiving. They are in denial of their vulnerability and need for love and intimacy.
• Problems with intimacy – By this, I’m not referring to sex, although sexual dysfunction often is a reflection of an intimacy problem. I’m talking about being open and close with someone in an intimate relationship. Because of the shame and weak boundaries, you might fear that you’ll be judged, rejected, or left. On the other hand, you may fear being smothered in a relationship and losing your autonomy. You might deny your need for closeness and feel your partner wants too much of your time; your partner complains that you’re unavailable, but he or she is denying his or her need for separateness.
• Painful emotions – Codependency creates stress and leads to painful emotions. Shame and low self-esteem create anxiety and fear about being judged, rejected, or abandoned; making mistakes; being a failure; feeling trapped by being close or being alone. The other symptoms lead to feelings of anger and resentment, depression, hopelessness, and despair. When the feelings are too much, you can feel numb.

Therapy for Codependents

​If you could relate to any of these symptoms of codependency, you may be in a codependent relationship. The same researchers who expanded the definition of codependency to include non-addict partnerships also found that codependent symptoms got worse if left untreated. The good news is the negative impact of codependency can be reversed through the work of therapy.

Get Started Working With Us Today!Please feel free to reach out to the Little Seed Counseling team in Greensboro, NC. We respond quickly (within 24 hours), and our team will always do whatever we can to make the scheduling and intake process simple. We’re here to help!

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