How do I heal old wounds?

Do you notice the same themes coming up in your life? For example, do you sit at work saying things like "I work so hard, but get so little appreciation for what I do!". Does that also show up at home and in your relationships? If so, there's a good chance this pattern started when you were very young. 

When we experience shame as a young person, we don't have the ability to use logic and reason to dispute it. We believe, without question, that something must be wrong with us or that we deserved whatever treatment we are getting. As we move through life believing negative things about ourselves, we tend to find ourselves (by no fault of our own) in situations that validate this shame. 

We might wind up in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unavailable, or in a job that sucks the life out of us. We might find ourselves having the same complaints about people and situations over and over again. 

In order to get out of this cycle, we need to work on healing those old, old wounds. This isn't easy work and I don't recommend trying to do this without the help of a professional. You CAN do a few things to help yourself begin this process: 

1. Establish a foundation of safety: What do your routines look like right now? How well are you taking care of yourself? Do you have people around to support you? These are some of the questions to ask yourself as you begin to take stock of what needs work in your life. 

If you aren't taking care of yourself, it will be even more difficult to do this when you are feeling the pain of the past. 

2. Ask for what you need : Similar to the concept above, if you are unable to ask for what you need now, it will be much harder to do so when you REALLY need it. Start small -- ask for help with household tasks, and slowly build up to a deeper level of vulnerability with your loved ones. 

3. Take stock of your assets: No, I don't mean your physical assets! Take stock of the things you do well and like about yourself. What are your strengths? How do you contribute? This list may be sparse, at first, but eventually you will be able to see yourself in a different light. 

When you are ready to lean in to the pain of the past, remember that there are folx like me who can support you! Talk with a counselor in Greensboro today!