Stepping Away from Toxic People

Master manipulators. Skilled liars. Great actors. Have you been around folx who make you feel "crazy"? They may show up around others as healthy and self-aware, but around you there is control and gas lighting? You might feel trapped, frustrated, angry, etc. 

Toxic People:
- are hypocritical -- what they say and what they do don't line up
- have trouble apologizing or accepting criticism 
- focus on "winning" 
- self-serving and selfish -- always put their needs over the needs of the collective
- expects loyalty, but does not reciprocate 
- talks badly about others with an air of superiority
- focuses on the negative to manipulate you
- has very few boundaries (if any) 

This is not an extensive list but covers many of the problems I head about  in dysfunctional relationships. So, when you are feeling super stuck with a toxic person, here's how you can step away: 

1. Ask for Help - Look, it's easy to get stuck in a negative situation when you are the only person trying to sort out what you are feeling. Having someone who is unbiased can help you more easily manage what is going on! If you are looking for a counselor in Greensboro, NC, please reach out to Little Seed Counseling. I can help you navigate the frustrating process of deal with a toxic person. 

2. Ask yourself a hard question: Are you ready for it? Here goes... if you had a daughter/son or if your best friend was dealing with this person, what would you tell them? -- this one usually cuts to the core --  If I wouldn't want my child or my best friend to deal with this type of treatment, why am I willing to tolerate it myself? 

3. Keep Firm Boundaries: A toxic person will likely see your boundaries as a form of rejection. A helpful tip is to set boundaries that are:
​

• Clear - "I am not willing to talk negatively about other people"  versus "Let's focus on the positive!" 
• Firm- There are no exceptions. If you set the boundary above, be prepared to say "Remember, I am not going to talk negatively about others. If you can't stop doing so, I will need to leave."
• Consistent- This needs to happen in every situation. For example, if one day you are very upset and call this person to complain about another friend, be prepared for that person to believe you are cosigning them doing the same. 
• Calm - Leave the anger out of this. Again, a toxic person will likely view a boundary as rejection, so presenting yourself in a calm, collected way will let them know that you are serious about what rules you are setting. Expressing boundaries with anger can give the other person grounds to feel "victimized". 

What are your biggest difficulties with toxic people?